The days of our lives of Ikuei

I met him during our school festival. He said to me that he loved my personality because I was outgoing. I was really happy to hear that. At that time though I would have been happy to hear that from anyone. He wasn’t actually really attractive, I fell for him anyways. I freaked out every time I saw him after that, and I think he noticed my feelings for him then. For a ling time I didn’t see him anymore and my feeling begun to fade. After a while I started seeing him again. We walked home together often and it was nice. One day I was sitting in a supermarket and he passed by. He just stood there looking at me and said: ”beautiful”. My face went scarlet. I couldn’t believe my ears. No guy had ever said that to me. I was happy, maybe too happy. I walked with him and a bunch of Chinese girls. At one point I checked my phone and he noticed that my phone was Japanese. He asked if he could borrow my phone, with bad Japanese. I understood that he actually just wanted to look at it. He typed a number and called for a second or two. He gave me back my phone and showed a number. ”Thats my number”, he said. At that time I couldn’t have been happier. I literally jumped from there to home.
For a while I didn’t see him again but on New Years eve I called him. He didn’t answer, so I was a bit relieved. After one hour however he called me back. My heart was beating really fast and I felt weird. I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me, so that’s what we did.
We talked about a lot of things and I was really happy to get to know him. I found out some things about his family and what he is going to do after he graduates. After that I fell even more in love with him.
One day after school I saw out teacher, she was asking questions about my new years. That was when I saw him. My only wish then was that the teacher would just stop talking.
When she finally left, I walked as fast as I could to catch him. I walked behind all the Chinese kids waiting that somebody would notice me. And when somebody did notice me they started speaking really loudly in Chinese, so I couldn’t understand anything. After a few minutes all the Chinese kids started walking faster, everyone except him.
He walked beside me the the whole time. Sometimes we talked and sometimes we had that awkward silent moment when neither of us knew what to say.
He asked where I was going ad I told him, I was going to the supermarket. I asked if he was going back to the dormitory and he told me he didn’t know. For a moment I thought that he was really weird. He was just walking there beside me even though he didn’t know where he was going. Then all the other Chinese kids in front of us turned to an other ally.
He followed me to the supermarket. I waited for him to finish his shopping so we could walk home together. I actually asked him if he wanted to walk home together and he thought that I meant if he wanted to come to my place, so he asked if I lived alone. Quite funny actually. When we started heading back home, I knew that I had to tell him any moment then. The thing I had been feeling since I first met him.
We were almost at the dormitory so I thought ”now is my chance”. We were in front of the dormitory, after my confession he would just go in and it would be done. So like in every movie, I stopped and said it. Well he didn’t understand it when I said it in Japanese, so I forced myself to say it in Chinese. He understood it perfectly, but he didn’t say anything. So I thought that the best thing I could do was to apologize. He said it was okay, saw how nervous I was and let out a small laughter. He asked me why? I wasn’t sure what to say, I mean how can you explain why you like someone? So I just said that he was kind and interesting. He just smiled at me and said goodbye. I showed him a painful smile and turned my back to him.
I walked away feeling stupid. Why did I ever even think that a guy could be interested in me. I felt the tears coming out of my eyes but I wouldn’t let ’em. I told myself not to cry. I was proud of myself even if I didn’t get the answer I was hoping for. I would not hate him, I would not Ignore him. I would just hide my feelings until it was over.
In the morning I saw him, only from behind and I thought, it would never be the same.

Intro 2010

Hi, my name is Iffie. I’m seventeen years old and I’m currently living in Japan. I like... no I love movies and books. My interests... boys. My motto is ”life is boring” so that’s one reason why I watch so many movies. They take me to an another world, completely different from the one the one that we live in. In life I’m trying to look for excitement and things that would make life more interesting. My future plans... take over the world. Just kidding. Actually my future plans are quite simple. I’m going to become a famous singer and make my mark in history. Well it’s not like it’s really easy to make your mark in history unless you are like Napoleon or Hitler. However there is one thing that I have in common with these boys is that we are all pretty selfish. I can’t kill anyone but I would do pretty much anything to get things to go my way.I bought a new notebook for writing. Why? Well lately I’ve had a lot of thoughts and If I don’t let them out of, my head is going to explode. I want to tell my friends about what I am writing. But I’m afraid that, if I tell them, their opinion of me will change. This could be my diary, but well I want to write stories in it too, so it won’t be just a diary. It could be just ”The story of Iffie”, so in Japanese it would be ”イフィの物語”. Sounds pretty good to me. So you (who ever is reading this) will get to know me. In a way I’m afraid that when somebody is going to read this, that person will be able to under my cover. My friend back home had this stupid boyfriend who always read her diary. The boy totally saw through her after that. Well you who will someday read this... please try to understand me.