Friends like family part 3 (video post)

I decided to make a video post when my blog reaches a 100 views, and now it's 101 so here's my video !!

The days of our lives of Ikuei part three

It was valentines day, everything was supposed to be perfect. The previous day I had made some chocolates for him and I was going to give it to him after school. I got more and more nervous as the school day was coming to an end. I grabbed Crazy Girl and we ran to the third floor of west wing. She was waiting somewhere while I went and knocked the door of his class. Someone opened the door. I didn't even see who it was, actually I wasn't even paying attention. I waved my hand to him, and for some reason I feel like I looked angry then. No wonder he looked so confused... I quickly gave him the chocolates said "happy valentines day" he answered to me "thank you" but I was already running away. I heard people shouting in the classroom. I said to the Crazy Girl "Did you hear all that screaming" and she answered "Yeah, It sounded like they were saying that 'finally she did something'". I just laughed. With the chocolate box I gave him a letter. It was in English but I knew somebody would translate it to him.

Dear Chinese boy I was happy about your letter, thank you very much. About the thing that I said the other day, please forget about that. Since you don't feel the same way, I don't want to trouble you any more than I already have. If I can be just friends with you, I would be really happy. 一飞

While I was in the teachers lounge, I suddenly felt my phone vibrating. He was calling me. I panicked but I answered. He told me that he was really happy and he said thank you a lot for the chocolates. Then something happened. He said something that I really wasn't expecting. My eyes turned wide and I didn't notice what was happening around me. The words that he said struck me hard, like a lightning from a perfectly clear sky. He said "If you love me, I love you". The next thing I noticed was Tuke poking me. I woke up. I said to him the words that I had said to him before, when he was the one being silent. I loved him so much. My chest was hurting and tears were almost coming out of my eyes. I was happy, really happy. Too bad that happiness didn't last for long. The next day I saw him. I was with my friends at the convenience store when I saw him. I went to say hi but I panicked and left right away. I watched him leaving but I couldn't do anything except cry. I felt so bad that I had ignored everything like that. And the next day it happened again. I saw him. He was surrounded by all of the other exchange students so of course I didn't have the courage to go and talk to him. All the Chinese kids were staring at me and smiling, and I could hear some of them saying my name and talking about me. After I left I was so sad about my panicking, and Tuke made me feel even worse. He said that I was getting really annoying , then I hit him and I cried. I think he realized what he had done at that point and he tried to calm me down. The next day I had decided to call him. I really wanted to see him so I was planning to ask him to go for a walk with me. He didn’t pick up. I spent the whole day worrying that my panicking might have caused him not to like me anymore. I waited and waited but nothing happened. So I called him again. This time he answered. I asked him how he was doing and I told him I wanted to see him that day and he said ”i know”. I said I couldn’t go talk to him because his friends were there and it was a bit embarrassing. He just laughed. Since then I have been wondering about the ”I know” that he said. If he knew that, why didn’t he call me back. Why didn’t he talk to me. He said he loved me... The next day I didn't even see him, but it was okay. On saturday however I called him. I was going to ask him out on Sunday, but he didn't pick up. And never called me back of course, that bastard. On sunday I was just really depressed and so was the Crazy Girl who had just broken up with someone. There were two broken hearts there that day. Later that evening I called him again. This time he picked up. I asked if he was busy after school on Monday and he just said that "yes, I'm busy". I've had enough, I thought and said goodbye to him. I couldn't continue that anymore, I gave up. The next day I was really depressed again. I kept making everybody angry with me. They didn't want to listen to me anymore so I decided to shut up about it. It still made me wonder. These friends didn't want to listen to me anymore, so were these really my friends. I started crying and Ms.Texas came to console me. I cried and cried. It hurt so much. I felt my heart breaking to a million pieces. Then something happened. Tuke, who has always been so mean to me, bought hot chocolate for me. It made me really happy. I always thought that he hated me. Later in the evening the Crazy Girl told me that Tuke was really mad at the Chinese boy and was worried about me. Then I thought to myself, there was a good friend.

21.02.2011

Friends like family part 2

Hi again. Today I'm gonna tell you about Tuke. He is also one of the most important people in my life. I'm actually hoping he will read this because, I mean every word. We fought a lot, like almost every day. I even remember our first argument when I was telling him about the Japanese phone system thing. He yelled at me "Don't talk to me like I'm stupid". People said that we were like a married couple. We had fun times, but sometimes I really wanted to shout at him, and most of the times I really did shout at him. Always when we were alone he was super nice and stuff but when we were with other people he was mean again. Me and Beanie actually said that to him once and he said to us "Ofc I'm nice to you when we are alone, there wouldn't be anyone to witness if you'd do something bad to me". Okay I have to admit that it was a funny thing to say but still, kinda mean. He made me cry a countless of times, but every time I started crying in front of him i could see that he felt bad. He isn't a bad person really. It's just that we didn't get along. But that was just at first. At some point we stopped being mean to each other. I remember once crying in the classroom because of the Chinese guy, and Tuke brought me some hot chocolate. I seriously couldn't believe what he did. We spent a lot of time together and he was nice to me again and I was happy because of that. Before the end he was by my side all the time. I can't even begin to describe my feelings now that he is not here, I cry every time I think about him. Even though he is a year younger than me, I think of him as the big brother I never had. He is really important to me. Tuke I know you know I'm talking about you, so if you read this I want you to know that I'm very sorry for all those times I yelled at you or called you an asshole. You were there for me always and because of you I think I'm a better person now. My life wouldn't be the same if I hadn't ever met you. Thank you for being my friend. I love you and miss you so much.

Friends like family

I want to tell you about the people I'm writing about, but just to protect their privacy I'm just not gonna use their real names. In Japan my friends were my family. I had to change families a lot but my friends stayed the same, so they were my people in Japan. They were the ones that I could trust. We fought ofc, but still we were really close.

Okay so let's start with the Chinese boy. Well... you know almost everything about him. But yeah he is Chinese and he is 20 years old. He has graduated from high school in China, but he wants to go to a Japanese university so that's why he was in our school.

(I actually just noticed that in my diary I have written "he is not my friend" after the description... but I consider him my friend. Maybe.)

Then there is the Crazy girl. You've already read about her a little bit. I love her like a lot, she is like a sister to me now! But we had to go through a lot of things to be this way now. She cried a lot and really easily. She said that it wasn't crying but leaking. First we had lot of arguments and she was really cranky sometimes. Those kind of times I felt like slapping her or shouting at her. But I was like that too, and I'm not surprised if she would tell me that she didn't feel like slapping me sometimes. We are the same in many ways. But closer to the end I think we both grew up. She helped me with my boy problems and with any other problems I might have had then and I did my best to help her. We had lots of fun together. I remember one time singing and dancing with her in the park where Japanese children were playing. They must have thought that we were crazy or something. We always went to this store that had foreign food and stuff and we always bought a lot of stuff. I remember going to karaoke just the two of us a week before the end and singing until our throats were sore. I'm glad I got to spend so much time with her. She is one of the most important people in my life. I hope we will see each other again.

Crazy girl, you know I'm talking about you so, thank you for being my friend. Love you and miss you ! <3

The days of our lives of Ikuei "The crazy girl"

She was so certain she liked him. And she was sertain he liked her too. The truth is everyone knew they had something going on. All the late nights together at the hotel lobby, we could tell. After a week of talking every night until late, he finally did what he had to do. He grabbed the girls arms and said it, the most powerful words a person could say to another, at least that’s what they say in stories. ”I love you” was what he said, and the girl was suprised. Even though she knew for sure he did like her, she was not expecting ”I love you”. And she wasn’t expecting it in English. She was so happy she could not stop smiling until she fell asleep in his arms.

The days of our lives of Ikuei part two

My feeling for him are fading day by day. I might not be able to see him and that makes a part of me sad, but a part of me is relieved. For one month the only thing I have seen of him is his back. And every time I see it I secretly pray that he would turn around and notice me. He doesn’t love me I know that for sure. But I’m still confused about the letter and the meaning behind it:

Dear 一菲 (yifei) I like Japanese very much. It is very important for me. I am very happy now. We are good friend. ^__^ I hope you happy veryday!

(Confused? Who wouldn’t be! It’s written in really bad English anyways! ) I might have been totally wrong about him all this time. Even though he is different around me, it doesn’t mean that he loves me. He might like me... No I’m sure he likes me. The thing is he doesn’t like me the way I want him to. I’m just a friend to him nothing more. And I think I’ll never be more than that to him. He is leaving soon anyways. I’ll miss him... I’ll miss him so much. But I have no time. I can’t cry after him any longer if I want to be happy while I’m in Japan. It’s not like it would have lasted. I’m leaving too. The thing is I might never actually forget him. I might forget my feelings for him, but I will never forget him. For now I think I want to see him, but at the same time I want to avoid him. I feel like a fool, but I’m happy that I at least got to meet him. I won’t forget him

The days of our lives of Ikuei

I met him during our school festival. He said to me that he loved my personality because I was outgoing. I was really happy to hear that. At that time though I would have been happy to hear that from anyone. He wasn’t actually really attractive, I fell for him anyways. I freaked out every time I saw him after that, and I think he noticed my feelings for him then. For a ling time I didn’t see him anymore and my feeling begun to fade. After a while I started seeing him again. We walked home together often and it was nice. One day I was sitting in a supermarket and he passed by. He just stood there looking at me and said: ”beautiful”. My face went scarlet. I couldn’t believe my ears. No guy had ever said that to me. I was happy, maybe too happy. I walked with him and a bunch of Chinese girls. At one point I checked my phone and he noticed that my phone was Japanese. He asked if he could borrow my phone, with bad Japanese. I understood that he actually just wanted to look at it. He typed a number and called for a second or two. He gave me back my phone and showed a number. ”Thats my number”, he said. At that time I couldn’t have been happier. I literally jumped from there to home.
For a while I didn’t see him again but on New Years eve I called him. He didn’t answer, so I was a bit relieved. After one hour however he called me back. My heart was beating really fast and I felt weird. I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me, so that’s what we did.
We talked about a lot of things and I was really happy to get to know him. I found out some things about his family and what he is going to do after he graduates. After that I fell even more in love with him.
One day after school I saw out teacher, she was asking questions about my new years. That was when I saw him. My only wish then was that the teacher would just stop talking.
When she finally left, I walked as fast as I could to catch him. I walked behind all the Chinese kids waiting that somebody would notice me. And when somebody did notice me they started speaking really loudly in Chinese, so I couldn’t understand anything. After a few minutes all the Chinese kids started walking faster, everyone except him.
He walked beside me the the whole time. Sometimes we talked and sometimes we had that awkward silent moment when neither of us knew what to say.
He asked where I was going ad I told him, I was going to the supermarket. I asked if he was going back to the dormitory and he told me he didn’t know. For a moment I thought that he was really weird. He was just walking there beside me even though he didn’t know where he was going. Then all the other Chinese kids in front of us turned to an other ally.
He followed me to the supermarket. I waited for him to finish his shopping so we could walk home together. I actually asked him if he wanted to walk home together and he thought that I meant if he wanted to come to my place, so he asked if I lived alone. Quite funny actually. When we started heading back home, I knew that I had to tell him any moment then. The thing I had been feeling since I first met him.
We were almost at the dormitory so I thought ”now is my chance”. We were in front of the dormitory, after my confession he would just go in and it would be done. So like in every movie, I stopped and said it. Well he didn’t understand it when I said it in Japanese, so I forced myself to say it in Chinese. He understood it perfectly, but he didn’t say anything. So I thought that the best thing I could do was to apologize. He said it was okay, saw how nervous I was and let out a small laughter. He asked me why? I wasn’t sure what to say, I mean how can you explain why you like someone? So I just said that he was kind and interesting. He just smiled at me and said goodbye. I showed him a painful smile and turned my back to him.
I walked away feeling stupid. Why did I ever even think that a guy could be interested in me. I felt the tears coming out of my eyes but I wouldn’t let ’em. I told myself not to cry. I was proud of myself even if I didn’t get the answer I was hoping for. I would not hate him, I would not Ignore him. I would just hide my feelings until it was over.
In the morning I saw him, only from behind and I thought, it would never be the same.

Intro 2010

Hi, my name is Iffie. I’m seventeen years old and I’m currently living in Japan. I like... no I love movies and books. My interests... boys. My motto is ”life is boring” so that’s one reason why I watch so many movies. They take me to an another world, completely different from the one the one that we live in. In life I’m trying to look for excitement and things that would make life more interesting. My future plans... take over the world. Just kidding. Actually my future plans are quite simple. I’m going to become a famous singer and make my mark in history. Well it’s not like it’s really easy to make your mark in history unless you are like Napoleon or Hitler. However there is one thing that I have in common with these boys is that we are all pretty selfish. I can’t kill anyone but I would do pretty much anything to get things to go my way.I bought a new notebook for writing. Why? Well lately I’ve had a lot of thoughts and If I don’t let them out of, my head is going to explode. I want to tell my friends about what I am writing. But I’m afraid that, if I tell them, their opinion of me will change. This could be my diary, but well I want to write stories in it too, so it won’t be just a diary. It could be just ”The story of Iffie”, so in Japanese it would be ”イフィの物語”. Sounds pretty good to me. So you (who ever is reading this) will get to know me. In a way I’m afraid that when somebody is going to read this, that person will be able to under my cover. My friend back home had this stupid boyfriend who always read her diary. The boy totally saw through her after that. Well you who will someday read this... please try to understand me.