Towards The End Part Three

When my host mother came home she told me to pack my things. But I had already packed my things so I just changed my school uniform to some warm comfortable clothes. She told me that my host brother was staying at his work place for the night and the same went for my host father. My host sister was all the way at the center of Sendai and the trains had stopped so she had gone to her friends place there. My host mother told me that we were going to go to this culture center near our house. We went there by car and took some food with us, like cup noodles and bread. The place was crowded. We could hardly find a place to sit. Finally my host mother saw some of our neighbors sitting next to the wall and we went to sit with them. They didn’t say a word to me. They probably thought that I wouldn’t even understand if they did. 

Thank god I had my ipod with me so I could watch a movie. It was really hard to entertain myself there. If I was at school it would have been different. I would have had my friends there, my family, my important people. I fell asleep early but another massive earthquake woke me up. My host mother just stood up but I was too tired of it all. I couldn’t move, I thought that I can’t run away from it anymore. I fell asleep again and at around 4 o’clock in the morning another earthquake woke me up. I opened my eyes and I saw people running to the door. I saw some bright light and I asked my host mother what was going on and she told me that a oil factory exploded near our house. And the fire kept spreading. I wasn’t afraid anymore. 

Our neighbors were gone, there were two young men sitting next to us. It was 8 o’clock in the morning and I was wide awake. I heard one of them saying that he probably had to say good bye to his car. I figured out that the tsunami had destroyed it. We got a piece of a newspaper that said that the earthquake was an earthquake of 8 M. I thought that it couldn’t have possibly been that small, because on the wednesday before the big one we had an earthquake of 7 M and it didn’t feel big at all. The two guys sitting next to us started talking to me. I was so happy because my host mother had disappeared and I was bored there alone. My host mother came back with two cookies and with some tea and she gave them to me. She told me that we could go home. The earthquakes had calmed down so it would be safe to return.

We drove back and I went immediately to the kitchen to write my diary.

”I’ve been trying to contact my friends and family since yesterday but for nothing. My parents must be very worried about me, like I am about my friends. I keep seeing this picture in my head that when I see my friends again I hug ’em. The truth is I just want to go back to school to see them again, to really hug them. 

It’s like hell being in this house. There is no food, no water and two boring people and an annoying dog. What am I supposed to do? I can almost imagine Chayse saying to me ’Try to bear with it, tomorrow we’ll all be together again.’ Well unfortunately it might be impossible to see them tomorrow. I could just go there, but I have this strong feeling that a certain someone will think that it’s too dangerous.”

Soon my host brother came home. He had walked all the way from his work place to home. He was freezing but he was still smiling to me. And he talked to me casually like no earthquake had ever happened. We ate some cookies together again and then I asked my host mother the big question. ”Can I go to see if my friends are okay?” Se said that we would go together and that she would go check if any supermarkets or convenience stores were open. I was surprised, like big time. I was so ready to go. 

She took me to the school dormitory for girls and I went inside to see if Tsitika was there. All the girls started to scream when they saw me. Kou-san told me that Tsitika was with the boys and I said that i would go there to look for my friends but one of the teachers stopped me and told me that they weren’t at the dormitory. The teacher gave me directions to the place where my friends were. I ran to the convenience store as fast as I could to find my host mother. I told her what happened and we went to the other dormitory. At the dormitory the people told me that the students had gone to the supermarket so we drove there as fast as we could. 

I saw my friends getting on a bus so I just jumped out of the car and screamed Tsitikas name. She heard me and ran towards me crying. I cried too. Chayse and Bill came out of the van and we all hugged. It was just like in the picture in my head, except better. I was happy to see them but they had to go back to the dorms, I told them that I would be back the next day.

Towards The End Part Two

We were sitting with Chayse and all of the sudden Max just ran into the classroom. I bursted into tears again. He came and hugged me. It was the first time he had treated me like that. At that moment I felt like he was my real big brother. The four of us stuck together. We were a family after all. No one can probably understand the bond that we share. We were far from our real families and we all understood each other better than anyone. Ayano and Rika too, even though they weren’t exchange students, they were far away from their homes as well. Our host families changed and some of us had to stay at the dorms, but our group never changed. 
We just sat there in one of the classrooms on the third floor of the west wing. The earth started to shake about every five minutes. Sometimes the earthquakes were small and sometimes they were bigger. It was hard watching all those girls there crying and screaming. They were afraid, just like I was. My own classmates were there too and this one cheerleader who was always happy. I never saw her sad or anything but this time she was crying her heart out. 
I saw Zou and he told me that he was doing a test at the moment when the earthquake hit. He was really pissed, he said it was because he thought that he did well on that test and now he would have to redo it. 
Some of the teachers came to the class and told us that it would be better if we stayed under the desks just in case. So we did what we were told. I had calmed down at that point and I couldn’t cry anymore. It was like I had used up all of my tears. We sat together on the floor the four of us. We were mostly making jokes. We even took pictures of us sitting under the desks. But then the worst thing happened, my host mother appeared. She was soaking wet for it was snowing outside. She came and hugged me and told me that we should go home. I felt like she was trying to take me away from my family. I tried to make up excuses not to go with her. I said that if I was to stay alone at the house, I would rather stay at the school. She said that she would not leave me alone. I had to go with her. I hugged all of my friends and said my goodbyes.
We were driving towards home and the streets were crowded. It was like the rush hour in Tokyo only worse. My host mother opened the radio and I could understand the woman saying ”Do not under any circumstances go near tall buildings” then she said something about a tsunami. I got a text from my real mother she told me to tell her what was happening and that she had heard that there was a tsunami coming. She said that ”don’t keep me in panic for nothing”. I tried to send her a text back over a thousand times but it wouldn’t go through. I was panicking again. We took a shortcut that went near my school and we saw that the streets were flooding. We couldn’t go any further. It was the worst thing I had ever seen. We tried to drive through a rice field but for nothing, the water was too high.
When we finally got home I ran into my room and saw that all my things were on the floor. I was in shock. I quickly gathered some stuff and put them in my school bag. Only things that I really needed like warm clothes and my ipod, laptop. I had some cookies that I had bought from disneyland so I packed them with me in case we wouldn’t get any food. The earth started shaking again, and this time again it was really bad. My host mom screamed my name and I run downstairs and straight outside without my shoes on. I saw men carrying boats outside. I started to wonder what was happening. Then I saw the river next to our house. The water had reached already to the streets and people were abandoning their houses and heading towards something. I didn’t really know what was going on.
My host mother said that she had to go to her office and that she would be back soon. I seriously freaked out at that point. I said to her that if she was going to leave me alone I would have rather stayed at school but she obviously ignored what I had said. I was more afraid than ever. I started panicking and crying when another earthquake hit. It was even scarier now that I was alone.

Towards The End Part One

11.03.2011 must have been the scariest day of my life. When I first went to Japan I didn’t expect anything that scary to happen. Before that day the only thoughts I had of death were when I was bullied and wanted to die. Some people might think that I’m exaggerating when I say this, but I think I came close to death.

I was at school in the JEC room with Chayse and Bill. Max had gone to the shopping mall near our school to buy a birthday gift for his girlfriend. School had ended so we were just hanging out the three of us. I was watching Chayse play with his computer when the earth started to shake. I thought that it was just another one of those earthquakes that we had about every month. ”Fuck me hard, not again” I said. Then the earth started shaking like never before. I stood up as quickly as I could and me and Chayse went under our desk. I yelled to Chayse to save his macbook. We sat under our desks, but bill was at the doorway. We told him to go under the desk in case the door falls on him. He of course didn’t listen to us. I was crying and hysteric, I felt like the world was going to end. 

Chayse was trying to calm me down buy saying ”It’s gonna be alright, calm down” but I yelled back to him ”It’s not going to be alright!”. I was so afraid. When the 6 minute earthquake finally calmed a little bit, one of our teachers came to the room and saw us sitting under our desks and told us to go outside immediately. I was in shock and I couldn’t move properly. Chayse and the teacher held my hands the entire time. When we stepped outside the building I saw the damage the earthquake had done. I started to panic even more. We went to the tennis court that was right in the middle of the entire school grounds, it was a safe place. Bill went to hang out with his classmates, but Chayse stayed with me the whole time. He held my had and tried to make me calm down so I would stop crying. He made jokes about the Chinese guy and everything and I laughed occasionally. Every foreign teacher came to me and tried to comfort me. They were worried about me. My Chinese teacher told me that we were lucky to be in Japan, and that if we were in China we would be already dead.

I looked to my right and saw this Japanese girl staring at me. She turned around and said something to Tsitika who immediately came us. She was trying to calm me down. Then suddenly I remembered Ayano, Rika and Max. They weren’t at school so where were they? Were they alive? Ayano had gone for a ride with his boyfriend. Rika had graduated so she wasn’t at school anymore. And Max... Had he ever made it to the shopping mall?

I cried and told Chayse to contact them all to make sure they were all okay. Tsitika lent her phone to me so I could text my mother to tell her what happened. I send a text to her saying ”There was a big earthquake and now I’m panicking”. I personally think that I should have probably written more so that she would have known that I was alright.

I was still crying but this time I was crying because I didn’t know where my friends were. I didn’t know what to do. This one Japanese boy that I had never really talked to came to see if I was okay. He seemed to be just fine. Actually all the boys seemed to be okay with the fact that we had been hit by a massive earthquake. 

Friends like family part 3 (video post)

I decided to make a video post when my blog reaches a 100 views, and now it's 101 so here's my video !!

The days of our lives of Ikuei part three

It was valentines day, everything was supposed to be perfect. The previous day I had made some chocolates for him and I was going to give it to him after school. I got more and more nervous as the school day was coming to an end. I grabbed Crazy Girl and we ran to the third floor of west wing. She was waiting somewhere while I went and knocked the door of his class. Someone opened the door. I didn't even see who it was, actually I wasn't even paying attention. I waved my hand to him, and for some reason I feel like I looked angry then. No wonder he looked so confused... I quickly gave him the chocolates said "happy valentines day" he answered to me "thank you" but I was already running away. I heard people shouting in the classroom. I said to the Crazy Girl "Did you hear all that screaming" and she answered "Yeah, It sounded like they were saying that 'finally she did something'". I just laughed. With the chocolate box I gave him a letter. It was in English but I knew somebody would translate it to him.

Dear Chinese boy I was happy about your letter, thank you very much. About the thing that I said the other day, please forget about that. Since you don't feel the same way, I don't want to trouble you any more than I already have. If I can be just friends with you, I would be really happy. 一飞

While I was in the teachers lounge, I suddenly felt my phone vibrating. He was calling me. I panicked but I answered. He told me that he was really happy and he said thank you a lot for the chocolates. Then something happened. He said something that I really wasn't expecting. My eyes turned wide and I didn't notice what was happening around me. The words that he said struck me hard, like a lightning from a perfectly clear sky. He said "If you love me, I love you". The next thing I noticed was Tuke poking me. I woke up. I said to him the words that I had said to him before, when he was the one being silent. I loved him so much. My chest was hurting and tears were almost coming out of my eyes. I was happy, really happy. Too bad that happiness didn't last for long. The next day I saw him. I was with my friends at the convenience store when I saw him. I went to say hi but I panicked and left right away. I watched him leaving but I couldn't do anything except cry. I felt so bad that I had ignored everything like that. And the next day it happened again. I saw him. He was surrounded by all of the other exchange students so of course I didn't have the courage to go and talk to him. All the Chinese kids were staring at me and smiling, and I could hear some of them saying my name and talking about me. After I left I was so sad about my panicking, and Tuke made me feel even worse. He said that I was getting really annoying , then I hit him and I cried. I think he realized what he had done at that point and he tried to calm me down. The next day I had decided to call him. I really wanted to see him so I was planning to ask him to go for a walk with me. He didn’t pick up. I spent the whole day worrying that my panicking might have caused him not to like me anymore. I waited and waited but nothing happened. So I called him again. This time he answered. I asked him how he was doing and I told him I wanted to see him that day and he said ”i know”. I said I couldn’t go talk to him because his friends were there and it was a bit embarrassing. He just laughed. Since then I have been wondering about the ”I know” that he said. If he knew that, why didn’t he call me back. Why didn’t he talk to me. He said he loved me... The next day I didn't even see him, but it was okay. On saturday however I called him. I was going to ask him out on Sunday, but he didn't pick up. And never called me back of course, that bastard. On sunday I was just really depressed and so was the Crazy Girl who had just broken up with someone. There were two broken hearts there that day. Later that evening I called him again. This time he picked up. I asked if he was busy after school on Monday and he just said that "yes, I'm busy". I've had enough, I thought and said goodbye to him. I couldn't continue that anymore, I gave up. The next day I was really depressed again. I kept making everybody angry with me. They didn't want to listen to me anymore so I decided to shut up about it. It still made me wonder. These friends didn't want to listen to me anymore, so were these really my friends. I started crying and Ms.Texas came to console me. I cried and cried. It hurt so much. I felt my heart breaking to a million pieces. Then something happened. Tuke, who has always been so mean to me, bought hot chocolate for me. It made me really happy. I always thought that he hated me. Later in the evening the Crazy Girl told me that Tuke was really mad at the Chinese boy and was worried about me. Then I thought to myself, there was a good friend.

21.02.2011

Friends like family part 2

Hi again. Today I'm gonna tell you about Tuke. He is also one of the most important people in my life. I'm actually hoping he will read this because, I mean every word. We fought a lot, like almost every day. I even remember our first argument when I was telling him about the Japanese phone system thing. He yelled at me "Don't talk to me like I'm stupid". People said that we were like a married couple. We had fun times, but sometimes I really wanted to shout at him, and most of the times I really did shout at him. Always when we were alone he was super nice and stuff but when we were with other people he was mean again. Me and Beanie actually said that to him once and he said to us "Ofc I'm nice to you when we are alone, there wouldn't be anyone to witness if you'd do something bad to me". Okay I have to admit that it was a funny thing to say but still, kinda mean. He made me cry a countless of times, but every time I started crying in front of him i could see that he felt bad. He isn't a bad person really. It's just that we didn't get along. But that was just at first. At some point we stopped being mean to each other. I remember once crying in the classroom because of the Chinese guy, and Tuke brought me some hot chocolate. I seriously couldn't believe what he did. We spent a lot of time together and he was nice to me again and I was happy because of that. Before the end he was by my side all the time. I can't even begin to describe my feelings now that he is not here, I cry every time I think about him. Even though he is a year younger than me, I think of him as the big brother I never had. He is really important to me. Tuke I know you know I'm talking about you, so if you read this I want you to know that I'm very sorry for all those times I yelled at you or called you an asshole. You were there for me always and because of you I think I'm a better person now. My life wouldn't be the same if I hadn't ever met you. Thank you for being my friend. I love you and miss you so much.

Friends like family

I want to tell you about the people I'm writing about, but just to protect their privacy I'm just not gonna use their real names. In Japan my friends were my family. I had to change families a lot but my friends stayed the same, so they were my people in Japan. They were the ones that I could trust. We fought ofc, but still we were really close.

Okay so let's start with the Chinese boy. Well... you know almost everything about him. But yeah he is Chinese and he is 20 years old. He has graduated from high school in China, but he wants to go to a Japanese university so that's why he was in our school.

(I actually just noticed that in my diary I have written "he is not my friend" after the description... but I consider him my friend. Maybe.)

Then there is the Crazy girl. You've already read about her a little bit. I love her like a lot, she is like a sister to me now! But we had to go through a lot of things to be this way now. She cried a lot and really easily. She said that it wasn't crying but leaking. First we had lot of arguments and she was really cranky sometimes. Those kind of times I felt like slapping her or shouting at her. But I was like that too, and I'm not surprised if she would tell me that she didn't feel like slapping me sometimes. We are the same in many ways. But closer to the end I think we both grew up. She helped me with my boy problems and with any other problems I might have had then and I did my best to help her. We had lots of fun together. I remember one time singing and dancing with her in the park where Japanese children were playing. They must have thought that we were crazy or something. We always went to this store that had foreign food and stuff and we always bought a lot of stuff. I remember going to karaoke just the two of us a week before the end and singing until our throats were sore. I'm glad I got to spend so much time with her. She is one of the most important people in my life. I hope we will see each other again.

Crazy girl, you know I'm talking about you so, thank you for being my friend. Love you and miss you ! <3